One Year. Today marks one year since I had surgery to remove a tumor from my spine. I have not written a blog since before my surgery. I didn’t really know where to start or what to say, but since today makes one year, it seems like a good time to start again.
Every year is full of moments to remember, big moments, small moments, and moments in between. For me, this past year was marked in steps, both literally and figuratively. I did not expect that my 43rd year of life would be partially spent learning how to walk again.
Thankfully, the tumor was benign. It was a tumor called a schwannoma and it had probably been growing silently for about 10 years. I don’t have multiple schwannomas in my body, so I am not likely genetically presupposed to them and it is just a thing that happened.
I knew when the surgery was complete that the intense sharp, stabbing pains I had been having should be gone. I didn’t expect everything in my body to just go back to normal, I knew I’d have to have physical therapy and there was a chance that I would need to go to an inpatient rehab hospital. I didn’t fully anticipate what would actually happen after the surgery. The tumor was compressing my spinal cord and particularly the nerves that control the right side of my lower body. The doctor didn’t say there were no risks, but based on the location there was little chance that removal would cause paralysis. I delayed having the surgery (see my previous blogs for more info on that), but eventually I came to the point that it was absolutely necessary. At some point during my prayers, either before surgery or while I was still in the hospital (that memory is a little fuzzy), I realized that no matter what, God is with me and that is all that really matters. Whether surgery was a complete success or whether I never walked again, I knew that I would be ok, because God is with me.
After the surgery, the doctor said no nerves were cut, the tumor was basically just laying inside my spine, attached to one small piece of one nerve inside my spine and was easily removed. I prayed before surgery that the tumor would just be laying there and easily removed. God took care of that. But the tumor did compress my spinal cord and nerves and still wreaked havoc. One of the nurse practitioners I saw in the hospital explained that when nerves are compressed, they are angry and misbehave. However, when the compression is removed, nerves get happy and misbehave. It takes time for nerves to regulate themselves. After the surgery, I couldn’t wiggle any of my toes, I couldn’t move my ankles, both legs below my knees felt numb (like when a limb falls asleep from being in one position too long), my right thigh felt huge, but it was normal to look at and my right leg felt like a fish out of water. I could move my leg, but I didn’t have complete control. I would pick it up and when I put it down, it landed wherever it happened to land. I struggled to stand up on my own. In addition to all of that, the surgery was on a Monday, and I was supposed to be discharged by Thursday. Thanks to insurance delaying approval to the rehab hospital, I was in the hospital 9 days before I was transferred to the rehab hospital! There are physical therapists at the hospital, but 30 minutes per day (and not every day) made my recovery even more difficult. On my last day in the hospital, the doctor said muscles in my calves had started to atrophy.
There is an old Chinese proverb that says, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Before I could take a single step, I had to stand up on my own. One thing I learned through this journey is that I do nothing on my own. God has been with me every single step of the way, through big steps and small steps, through steps forward and steps backward (Spine recovery is very fluid, that means what works today, may not work tomorrow, so it’s not a steady uphill climb to recovery). I remember struggling to stand up on my own in the days after surgery. My husband and the physical therapist were encouraging, but I couldn’t make myself do it. The thing that pushed me was a hymn. The phrase, “stand up, stand up for Jesus” started running through my mind. Praying and singing in my mind to stand up for Jesus, got me up that day! Then regularly after that, it was steps, big and small, and a reliance that God would get me through. He placed believers in my path, from nurses in the hospital, to my physical therapist at the rehab hospital, who was a former music teacher and a preacher’s kid, to my roommate in the rehab hospital who listened to praise music to go to sleep and prayed aloud for both of us at night, to my physical and occupational therapists in outpatient physical therapy, who were believers too. Not to mention all the people who were praying for me over the past year!!
Spinal recovery takes time, a lot of time, and patience. It took a lot of work and a lot of faith to get me through this past year. I’m still not 100%, but I am doing so much better! My right leg has a lot of tension still and there is still numbness in my lower legs and feet. My left ankle is working well. My right ankle still requires a special brace, but my physical therapist said that ankles are usually the last thing to come back after a spinal injury, so it’s a matter of time. She was surprised when the left ankle started when it did. I can awkwardly get on the floor and up again without using furniture to lower or pull myself up. I can stand up from some chairs without using my hands to push myself up. I can walk distances as long as I have places to take breaks. I can do most things around the house again. I haven’t tried changing any lightbulbs or doing yardwork yet, but cooking, cleaning, laundry, all those fun things (lol), I can handle. This week I took my dog for a walk for the first time in 18 months. She was a very happy girl!!!
I am so thankful for everyone who has checked on me, provided food for us, and especially those who prayed for me! God is good! As long as He is with me, I know that I will be ok!
In a wheelchair, May 2023 Using a cane, July 2023 Using an ankle brace, no cane, February 2024
(Zoo trip, 7000 steps)