“So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:1
If you read my last blog, I talked about my current health struggles. Before I finally landed with a neurosurgeon, I had seen my family doctor, an orthopedist, physical therapists and an ER doctor. When I told the neurosurgeon about my journey for answers he said “they were looking for horses when you had a zebra.” That is the truth! Those professionals were focused on my hips, because that’s where the pain started, but there was a zebra growing in my spine pressing on nerves and telling my hips they hurt and eventually telling my low back it hurt and my feet and legs they feel numb and weak.
I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared, because this is major surgery on my spine. But God is teaching me a lot through this and one thing is: “where am I looking?” Those professionals were looking at what was presented in front of them, the obvious made the most sense. For us, when we look for answers, we look at the most obvious, the things right in front of us. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and for most of us the world is extremely busy and can lead to a lot of self-centeredness and worldly focus. I’ve been there, I am there, I’m trying to not be, but God has been pointing out to me through this just how inward focused I have been in the last year or so. I needed to get out of my head, I needed to stop focusing on me, my problems, my to do list, my wants, my needs, my will, my phone (a/k/a facebook and tiktok and the things those people have to say) and look at Jesus. I needed to get the noise of distraction to go away. I needed to stop looking at the horses in front of me and look at the mighty God ahead of me.
I have stressed and worried and questioned surgery. Questioned if the symptoms are something I can just deal with, the mass, best they can tell is benign and some people they just monitor, so why not monitor me? These are the thoughts when I’m sitting, not doing anything, not the realistic ones that I’m reminded of when I have to ask my kids to help me put my shoes and socks on, not the ones that are too stubborn to ask anyone to help me put my pants on, and not the ones that if I drop something on the floor decides to leave it rather than deal with the pain of bending into what looks like a canyon rather than the five feet away from my eyes. But then the ‘God winks.’ I like this term I heard from someone years ago, God winks are those moments where God lets you know He’s there. It may be through an email, a song on the radio, a friend, a phone call, and yes, even a social media post, but those moments where God says, “I’m here. I’ve got you. I’ve got this.” Reminding me that He is bigger than my worries, bigger than my circumstances, bigger than this mass in my back and that He is in control. It’s easy sometimes to look at the world and forget that He is sovereign. We live in a fallen world, so that means there is sickness, disease, heartache and death, but God is on His throne. God can use all these things for my good and HIS glory. Monday my cousin posted a video for me to watch by Joni Erickson Tata and to say that video was made for me is an understatement. Then yesterday after my appointment with the surgeon and scheduling surgery I started questioning the surgery (as mentioned above). After my appointment I emailed my church and asked to be added to the prayer list. While I was at work my husband called and I started going over my questions, could I deal with this, what if we just wait, talking myself out of it and into it all at the same time. When I came back inside I looked at my email and had a message from one of the women at my church, she said “sounds like your doctor has you in a good place…. It sounds like your results have had God’s favor. This brings me great joy.” Not long after, I got an email from a co-worker who I consider a friend that said, “I know you are worried, but I am glad the surgeon decided to take this seriously. Get this done and over with now so you can go on with your life.” These are just a few things, but over and over again yesterday God used people and songs and scripture to point me in the right direction. This morning we were running late (if you know me you aren’t surprised by this), but when I turned my car on the radio host said, “God is the healer” and then it went into a song, I don’t remember what the song was, but I was floored that when I turned my car on I was reminded of this truth.
So, as I journey into unknowns and for all of you reading this that have uncertainties in front of you, remember not to look at the horses, not the world in front of you, not the problem, but look at the truth, the Mighty God who goes before You, who already holds your future in His hands. He knows I’m scared, but I know He’s got me and He’s got you too.
Be a Blessing! ❤️